Some things are hard to understand even after they've been explained to you multiple times. Some things are hard to explain, even if you've experienced them. Postpartum depression is both. I'm taking the opportunity of Mother's Day to reflect on the experience of my wife, who bravely cared for Turner in the face of postpartum depression. My first aim is to honor Renee for her service and sacrifice as she has been a wonderful mother to Turner. Secondly, I want to call the Church of Jesus Christ to be more aware and responsive to the needs of mothers.
To start, let's get some definitions. "Postpartum depression is a mood disorder that can affect women after childbirth. Mothers with postpartum depression experience feelings of extreme sadness, anxiety, and exhaustion that may make it difficult for them to complete daily care activities for themselves or for others." -- from National Institute of Mental Health. There is also postpartum psychosis which is even more severe and the symptoms include hallucinations and delusions.
While Renee's pregnancy had some challenges, the delivery went very well and mother and son were happy and healthy. The doctors and nurses in the hospital were very supportive. After about three weeks Renee started experiencing significant postpartum depression. It lasted for many months and there isn't really one particular point when she feels she was cured. At 8 or 9 months, she stopped breastfeeding and that seemed to have helped some, but it didn't solve everything. Even now, she still gets flashbacks of those dark days.
I'll admit that I still don't fully understand what Renee went through. Although I knew about postpartum depression in vague terms, I wasn't aware of the incredible burden she was dealing with. One aspect that really made things worse was my job. I was working a full time job during the day and a part time job 2-3 weeknights plus Saturdays. On days that I worked both jobs, I might leave at 7:30 am and not get home until 10:30 pm. In this situation, Renee would be taking care of Turner by herself for 15 hours, with no help from me, family members, or church members. If there was anything I could have done differently, it would have been to only work one job.
The definition I quoted above mentions extreme sadness, anxiety, and exhaustion. Renee certainly experienced these. She also had panic attacks. Most people think of panic attacks as a short episode. These would last all day. Her heart would be racing continuously. And even though she was exhausted, the panic attacks kept her awake when she should have been sleeping. One aspect that fueled the panic attacks was the knowledge that she was responsible for keeping Turner alive and that this was a 24/7 task with no relief or breaks. When she stopped breastfeeding, this eased a little because now she wasn't the only one that could feed him.
Renee's advice to mothers is to contact a medical professional who has experience with postpartum depression. Just talking to an expert who understands is important and there may be medications that can help. She also recommends joining a support group of other mothers who are experiencing or have experienced postpartum depression. This lets you know that you are not alone. You should also be bold about asking friends and family for help.
In addition, it's important to plan ahead. For any family expecting a baby, they should have a plan regarding the care of the baby and who will do what and when. It's important for the wife to know that the husband will be taking care of the child at certain times so that she can have a time of rest. These would apply with any new baby, but it would be good to talk in specifics about what changes would be need to take place if the mother began to deal with postpartum depression.
There are some simple, but powerful things you can do to help a mother who is struggling with postpartum depression. For any new mother, be sure to communicate with her regularly, even if you're not aware of any postpartum issues. The mother may not feel comfortable asking for help and postpartum depression may come suddenly. Possibly the most important thing you can do is to visit the mother in her home and hold the baby for a while. This is a great relief to the mother. She may just want to sit and talk. Or she may need to take a shower or a nap. With this support from a trusted friend or family member, the mother knows she can relax because the baby is in good hands for a few hours. And of course, bringing food never hurts.
I want to go back to the definition of postpartum depression. It mentions that it can be difficult for mothers to complete daily care activities for themselves or others. While it was extremely difficult for Renee, I know that she always did everything right in taking care of Turner. He has the most wonderful mother ever and I'm so proud of her. Renee has always put Turner first and sacrificially cared for him. Happy Mother's Day, Renee!
To start, let's get some definitions. "Postpartum depression is a mood disorder that can affect women after childbirth. Mothers with postpartum depression experience feelings of extreme sadness, anxiety, and exhaustion that may make it difficult for them to complete daily care activities for themselves or for others." -- from National Institute of Mental Health. There is also postpartum psychosis which is even more severe and the symptoms include hallucinations and delusions.
While Renee's pregnancy had some challenges, the delivery went very well and mother and son were happy and healthy. The doctors and nurses in the hospital were very supportive. After about three weeks Renee started experiencing significant postpartum depression. It lasted for many months and there isn't really one particular point when she feels she was cured. At 8 or 9 months, she stopped breastfeeding and that seemed to have helped some, but it didn't solve everything. Even now, she still gets flashbacks of those dark days.
I'll admit that I still don't fully understand what Renee went through. Although I knew about postpartum depression in vague terms, I wasn't aware of the incredible burden she was dealing with. One aspect that really made things worse was my job. I was working a full time job during the day and a part time job 2-3 weeknights plus Saturdays. On days that I worked both jobs, I might leave at 7:30 am and not get home until 10:30 pm. In this situation, Renee would be taking care of Turner by herself for 15 hours, with no help from me, family members, or church members. If there was anything I could have done differently, it would have been to only work one job.
The definition I quoted above mentions extreme sadness, anxiety, and exhaustion. Renee certainly experienced these. She also had panic attacks. Most people think of panic attacks as a short episode. These would last all day. Her heart would be racing continuously. And even though she was exhausted, the panic attacks kept her awake when she should have been sleeping. One aspect that fueled the panic attacks was the knowledge that she was responsible for keeping Turner alive and that this was a 24/7 task with no relief or breaks. When she stopped breastfeeding, this eased a little because now she wasn't the only one that could feed him.
Renee's advice to mothers is to contact a medical professional who has experience with postpartum depression. Just talking to an expert who understands is important and there may be medications that can help. She also recommends joining a support group of other mothers who are experiencing or have experienced postpartum depression. This lets you know that you are not alone. You should also be bold about asking friends and family for help.
In addition, it's important to plan ahead. For any family expecting a baby, they should have a plan regarding the care of the baby and who will do what and when. It's important for the wife to know that the husband will be taking care of the child at certain times so that she can have a time of rest. These would apply with any new baby, but it would be good to talk in specifics about what changes would be need to take place if the mother began to deal with postpartum depression.
There are some simple, but powerful things you can do to help a mother who is struggling with postpartum depression. For any new mother, be sure to communicate with her regularly, even if you're not aware of any postpartum issues. The mother may not feel comfortable asking for help and postpartum depression may come suddenly. Possibly the most important thing you can do is to visit the mother in her home and hold the baby for a while. This is a great relief to the mother. She may just want to sit and talk. Or she may need to take a shower or a nap. With this support from a trusted friend or family member, the mother knows she can relax because the baby is in good hands for a few hours. And of course, bringing food never hurts.
I want to go back to the definition of postpartum depression. It mentions that it can be difficult for mothers to complete daily care activities for themselves or others. While it was extremely difficult for Renee, I know that she always did everything right in taking care of Turner. He has the most wonderful mother ever and I'm so proud of her. Renee has always put Turner first and sacrificially cared for him. Happy Mother's Day, Renee!
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